The Song of Submission

Submission. It almost feels like a dirty word in 2024. In a world that tells you to rely on only yourself, make your own dreams happen and not let anyone take your thunder or power, submitting to something or someone else is completely counter-cultural. It’s unheard of. And not only that – it’s difficult. 

Submitting is something I have continually struggled with, especially when it comes to submitting my will and plans to God. I’ve wrestled with God about what my life should look like since the 6th grade. That was when my dad took a job in another state just when I finally felt like I was settled where I was. I loved my house, I had plans to go to middle school with all my friends, and I thought I was making progress getting the attention of the boy I had a crush on (I was not). 

Regardless, I did not want to submit those plans to God. But the move happened anyway. So I was angry, negative and miserable for the first few years after we moved because I did not want to submit my will to God’s and trust that his way was better than my way. I chose living a bitter life over a submitted life.

In high school, God brought me to a breaking point. I had been endlessly grappling for control over the direction of my life, and I was exhausted. I was battling depression. I felt like nothing in my life was going the way I wanted, that there was no hope for me to find happiness, and that I would always feel this way. I was so tired of constantly fighting for my will.

It was during this time that I began to write songs. The lyrics ranged from despondent to angry to downright dark. Looking back now, some remind me of David’s writings in Psalm when he cries out to God in desperation. For example, one lyric I wrote to God was: “Now no joy, nothing remains. You took everything but the pain.”

In the midst of this discontented weariness, I attended a weekend retreat with my church youth group. I didn’t want to go, but something finally clicked when the speaker there preached out of John 21. There’s a story there about Jesus asking Peter, “Do you love me more than these?”, referring to the fish they had just caught. Now, he wasn’t asking Peter if he loved fish more than him. He was asking Peter if his love for him and the cost of following him outweighed his love for the comfort in his old life of being a fisherman. And that hit me. Was I willing to follow Jesus, even if it would be difficult and not what I had originally envisioned and embrace the abundant life he offers? Or did I want to continue in my old ways, fighting for my own will, in a way of life I was comfortable but miserable with?

At that moment, I let go. I submitted. 

And, friends, can I tell you something? For the first time, I felt peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. I could stop wrestling and just rest.

As I reflect on that experience, I stand by my previous statement: Submitting to someone else is difficult. But what’s more difficult is living a life of perpetually fighting for my own will, desires, hopes and dreams to be done. God’s will is better. God’s plan is better. And his yoke is easy and his burden is light…much lighter than the baggage of bitterness that comes with holding too tight to my own plans.

While watching Casey Beathard’s film this month, I could relate to so many themes in his story. He said he had to “let go and let God,” and that’s exactly what I had to do to find peace in submitting my will to God. Not only that, but I also related to Casey’s songwriting. In high school, once I finally submitted to God, I wrote a song to him that was unlike the ones I had written to him before. This wasn’t a song of accusation, but one of submission. While Casey’s songs have been belted out to crowds of cheering fans, mine was really only intended for an audience of one. But I share it with you now in the hopes that it will encourage you in your walk with Jesus, as well.

At Last

You’ve given and you’ve taken away

But you wake me up to give me a brand new day

Every day

And I know that you are looking out for me

Even though

I don’t understand just what you’ve meant to be

CHORUS

But I trust you, Lord, with all that I am

And I lay my life into your hands

I give you complete control

I surrender my heart and my soul

My future, my present, my past

I submit to your will at last

You’ve taught me what it means to sacrifice

How to let go of the pain I’ve held inside

All my life

And why things happen, I may never understand

But I know

You’ll work it out according to your perfect plan

CHORUS

Because I trust you, Lord, with all that I am

And I lay my life into your hands

I give you complete control

I surrender my heart and my soul

My future, my present, my past

I submit to your will at last

BRIDGE

I give you the best of me

(I’m letting go)

I give you my destiny

(Of all I know)

All I love and all I know

I’m letting go, I’m letting go

CHORUS

Because I trust you, Lord, with all that I am

And I lay my life into your hands

I give you complete control

I surrender my heart and my soul

My future, my present, my past

I submit to your will at last