I’d Do It All Again: How God had a Purpose for my Pain

Sometimes life doesn’t make any sense. There. I said it.

Even when my relationship with Jesus is strong, sometimes I still look around in the midst of a difficult season and ask God, “Why? What could possibly be the purpose of these circumstances?” I asked God those questions when my husband in the military got deployed to Afghanistan right before I gave birth to our daughter. And when my mom had a heart attack. And when my best friend moved away. And the list goes on and on.

I know that God works all things together for good for those who love him. But it never feels that way at the time. And typically, in the middle of the chaos, I can’t see a reason for it.

But God brought some clarity to my past struggles when I started serving at my church with middle and high school students. I’m a small group leader for about 15 girls who are now going to be high school seniors in the fall, but I started leading them when they were in 6th grade. I’ve walked with these girls through a lot – separating parents, breakups, fights with friends, moving, depression, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts – and so many times, I was able to relate to them and speak God’s truth into their lives because of the painful experiences I’ve gone through.

For instance, one of my girls, Amy*, was terrified because her family was moving to a new town and she’d have to change schools. I told her how God took care of me when my family moved during my 6th grade year. I struggled with the move – a lot – but God eventually provided even better friends for me at my new school, and because of the move, my faith in him was strengthened. During that time, I found comfort in Genesis 12 when God told Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.” Abram didn’t know where he was headed, but he trusted God and obeyed. God blessed Abram, and his obedience led him to the next chapter of his life and purpose. Because of the experience God helped me through in middle school, I was able to read those verses with Amy* and pray with her for peace in God’s plan for her life. And it helped her. 

When another of my girls, Stephanie*, went through a hard breakup, I told her about how God guided me through a devastating breakup in college. How he comforted me, drew me closer to him and helped me fall back in love with the Bible as I sought peace during the pain. I pointed her to Psalm 62, which I read every day for months after my breakup. She said reading that Psalm and seeing me come out the other side of a similar situation allowed her to bring her grief to God and know that he would take care of her. 

The examples are almost endless. So many of the hardships God brought me through allowed me to relate to these girls, speak into their lives and point them back to Jesus. Multiple times, I remember thinking that I’d go through it all again just to be able to help them through their struggles. To be able to relate to them, tell them they will survive it and help them go to God with their distress made the pain worth it.

Now, I’m not saying I had all the answers in those moments or even now. Or that every situation in my life suddenly makes sense to me. I think some events won’t make sense to me on this side of heaven. But some of them, I realize, have helped equip me for the work God has for me. He gave me a passion for working with youth and pointing them to Jesus. And one of the most effective ways I’ve been able to do that is through telling them about my own past pain and how God brought me through it.

Friend, if you’re going through something – or have gone through something – God sees you, and he can use your story. He will bring you through it if you turn to him, and he can turn your ashes into beauty. He can turn your pain into purpose.

*Names have been changed