Iron Sharpens Iron: How Community Refines You

Toward the end of 2024, I felt God nudging me toward community.

I had seen tremendous growth in my spiritual life the previous three years, experiencing breakthroughs in areas like addiction, mental health and my marriage. I had even published five books in the span of 14 months, which still seems crazy to me in hindsight. 

And while I was attending church and in a faith-based workout group at the time, I craved deeper, more meaningful Christian relationships. I craved true community.

I wasn’t quite sure what that would look like, but I knew God wanted me to be “in the trenches” with fellow believers again. I knew that I needed to grow so close to other men that we could encourage each other when we were down, to keep each other accountable and to remind ourselves of God’s promises.

I prayed about it. I read God’s Word for direction. I talked to my wife about it.

Then I took a leap of faith. I approached the lead pastor of our church — which we’d been attending for a couple years at that point—to pitch the idea of starting a men’s small group focused on mental health and spiritual warfare. I called it “The Forge” and it was heavily inspired by the recent film of the same name.

Honestly, I was expecting him to say no. While God had opened a few amazing doors for me, he had also closed many, many others. I assumed this would be another and I’d be discouraged by my pastor’s response. He’d probably say something like, “well, you need more in-house training” or “we need to vet you and the material first before we commit to anything.”

Surprisingly, he felt the Holy Spirit’s nudge, too. He prayed for me, trusted me and gave the group his blessing. Fast-forward to more than a year later and our group has grown from four or five guys to more than a dozen members and counting. 

But it’s not about the numbers. It’s about the relationships. And this brings us to what I’ve learned while living in community with my small group the past year. Here are five ways I discovered being in true community refined me:

1. I Discovered My Blinds Spots

Accountability is something we desperately need today, yet so many are resistant to it. We get defensive when people call out sins in our lives that we don’t see, and we’re afraid to call out sins we see in other because we don’t want to “rock the boat” or say anything that could compromise the relationship. But is that biblical?

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)

The closer we are to others in community, the deeper our relationships will be. And the deeper those relationships, the more comfortable we will be giving and receiving advice. As I’ve seen in The Forge, it’s easier to confess sins and to resist temptation when we open ourselves to correction from the Bible, the Holy Spirit and others.

It takes time. There may be difficult emotions to process at first. But remember that we are laying the groundwork for trust. We shouldn’t join a group and immediately point out flaws, but we can build that feeling of safety.

2. I Enjoyed Encouragement and Wise Counsel

People don’t do well in isolation. Yet that’s what the majority of us do when we’re in a difficult season. We turn inward instead of upward and outward. We listen to lies from the enemy telling us to ignore verses like Ecclesiastes 4:12 and try to fix everything ourselves. But we weren’t made to do this life alone; God knew we needed encouragement, especially to stand against the devil’s schemes.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Community is a great source of wisdom, especially if your group has a mix of people in different life stages. Someone older may have more experience in an area than you and can provide wisdom and encouragement. In my community group, I learn something every time we meet and I also have an opportunity to share insights with others.

“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” (Proverbs 19:20)

3. I Grew Spiritually and Personally

One reason many of us aren’t in community is that there’s a bit of fear or inconvenience involved. Carving out the time in our schedules can be tough. Being vulnerable with others is uncomfortable. Staying consistent is difficult. This commitment can be hard at times. But it allows seeds to be planted.

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

You might not see results right away, but in God’s timing, your life will bear fruit spiritually and personally if you stay at it. God blesses those who are pursuing him.

4. I Found Comfort, Strength and Healing

Another reason we shouldn’t isolate ourselves is because it’s more difficult to find comfort, strength and healing when we’re all alone. Life is hard! But the enemy knows this and likes to pick us off, one by one. We need to talk through things with others instead of keeping it all inside.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

Time and time again in The Forge, I’ll hear a guy say something like “I didn’t feel like coming tonight, but I’m glad I did.” When they’re low, I can comfort them and when I’m low, they can comfort me. We all strengthen each other and help each other find healing in the Lord. We can’t fix things a lot of the time, but we can at least be there to speak truth and light over each other’s situations.

5. I Learned How to Live Authentically

One defining trait of The Forge is the vulnerable environment. Guys truly feel free to say what’s on their mind, in large part due to me being vulnerable first as the leader. This vulnerability breaks down our walls and helps us live more authentically — not just in our community groups, but at church, school, work and every area of our lives. 

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)

Community isn’t just a “nice-to-have” part of your routine. It’s a crucial element for spiritual growth and is part of the way God designed us to live — in community with each other and himself. 

If you’re not in community yet, I encourage you to trust God and take that leap. Get plugged into a local church and explore their community options. You can also get involved in our I Am Second communities by joining one of our I Am Second Groups, becoming part of our upcoming podcast community and so much more. Whatever you do, don’t do it alone!