--- title: I'm practicing how to be happy again description: I'm practicing how to be happy again image: https://blog.iamsecond.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/happy-1024x668-3.jpg --- - Shop - [Media Store](https://iamsecond.vhx.tv/) - [I Am Second Store](https://store.iamsecond.com/) - [Our Story](https://www.iamsecond.com/our-story/) - [Donate](https://www.iamsecond.com/donate/) [Log In](https://www.iamsecond.com/join/) [![](https://www.iamsecond.com/wp-content/themes/blackhawk/assets/img/i-am-second-logo-black.svg)](https://www.iamsecond.com/) - [Stories](https://www.iamsecond.com/film/) - [Articles](https://blog.iamsecond.com) - [Live Second](https://www.iamsecond.com/live-second/) [![](https://www.iamsecond.com/wp-content/themes/blackhawk/assets/img/i-am-second-logo-black.svg)](https://www.iamsecond.com/join/) [![](https://www.iamsecond.com/wp-content/themes/blackhawk/assets/img/i-am-second-logo.svg)](https://www.iamsecond.com/join/) [Log In](https://www.iamsecond.com/join/) - [Stories](https://www.iamsecond.com/film) - [Articles](https://blog.iamsecond.com) - [Live Second](https://www.iamsecond.com/live-second/) - Shop - [Media Store](https://iamsecond.vhx.tv/) - [I Am Second Store](https://store.iamsecond.com/) - [Our Story](https://www.iamsecond.com/our-story/) - [Donate](https://www.iamsecond.com/donate/) # I'm practicing how to be happy again Karis Rogerson February 21, 2017 | 2 minute read [mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20this%20blog%20from%20I%20Am%20Second&body=https://blog.iamsecond.com/im-practicing-how-to-be-happy-again](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20this%20blog%20from%20I%20Am%20Second&body=https://blog.iamsecond.com/im-practicing-how-to-be-happy-again) ![](https://blog.iamsecond.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/happy-1024x668-3.jpg) [![Back](https://f.hubspotusercontent30.net/hubfs/5261881/New%20Site/Images/backFilled.svg) Back to All Posts](https://blog.iamsecond.com/) People like to tell me I’m “brave” for sharing my darkest secrets, but I don’t consider over-sharing about my hurts and pains and desperations to be especially courageous. It might be for some people, but I’ve always been someone with a deep need, a near craving, which borders on desperation, to be known. Intimately, fully, in every gory detail.And since I began sharing stories about depression, one of two things seems to happen with every post. Either I hear from someone saying they’ve been inspired to seek help through my words, or I hear from someone saying they care about me and are praying. So, maybe it takes a certain amount of courage to open up about hardship, but it’s not something I fear, so it’s not a courage I admire in myself. What I’m about to say now, though, I’m scared to say. For me, this takes courage. Today, I’m happy. I’m content. I’m OK. I have a job that I love, that occasionally stresses me out but that I’m so fond of I willingly choose to spend my day off on the work premises, interacting with my coworkers and jumping at every phone call. It might not be the “dream job” I longed for as a child, but it’s a pretty darn good job, and I really, really like it. I get to write a lot, and writing is something that soothes me, that gives me joy. There’s something so beautiful to me about playing with words, and the English language is my clay; it’s something malleable and moldable, something I can influence and play with and form to my own desires. Plus, people. I adore them. I think humans are fascinating, wonderful, beautiful, and amazing. I think humans are full of potential, talent, and skill. They make me laugh, cry, and clutch my heart at how agonizingly gorgeous they are. I get to spend so much time with them through work and friendship. So, there. I’m happy. Exquisitely so. Wildly so. --- ** I have so often [rooted my identity in my depression,](http://www.iamsecond.com/2016/01/why-im-scared-of-being-cured-of-depression/) that it almost feels like I’m lying when I say that I’m happy.** --- I’m scared to say that because I haven’t been taught or trained to celebrate the victories in life; I’ve been taught to bow my head in shame and whisper about them rather than shouting them from the mountain-top when things are going well. I have so often [rooted my identity in my depression,](http://www.iamsecond.com/2016/01/why-im-scared-of-being-cured-of-depression/) that it almost feels like I’m lying when I say that I’m happy. Honestly, I’ve spent so much time practicing radical vulnerability in the dark that I don’t know how to be open about the light. It might sound weird to you, but it’s true. I’m trying. I don’t know how long this happiness will last; I’m not sure when I’ll have another depressive episode. It could be in a month, a week; it could be before this blog post is even published. What I do know is that I want to practice celebrating often. Dancing for joy. Throwing my arms to the air and spinning about with a goofy grin, singing aloud to the songs, dancing without worrying about whether I look good or not. I want to be so grateful for the good times. I want to breathe them in and savor them like a perfectly grilled salmon that’s so tender it falls apart on my fork. --- **I think we should all practice celebration. Not just finding joy in darkness, but finding joy in light.** --- I think we should all practice celebration. Not just finding joy in darkness, but finding joy in light. It’s there, and it should be as much a thing to discuss as the hard times. So there you have it: I’m doing OK. Today. And you know what? That’s good enough to get me through for now. *Karis is a grad student at NYU in New York City. Her writing has appeared online with Seventeen as well as Good Housekeeping. She blogs at [karisrogerson.com](http://karisrogerson.com/blog/). To stay informed about all her writing, sign up [here](http://eepurl.com/b3YCsL).* *(Photo source: Unsplash via Pexels.com)*   ### Karis Rogerson [More from Karis Rogerson](https://blog.iamsecond.com/author/karis-rogerson) [Leave a Comment](https://blog.iamsecond.com/im-practicing-how-to-be-happy-again#comments-listing) ## Related Content ### [I’ve never really believed that I deserve my life](https://blog.iamsecond.com/ive-never-really-believed-that-i-deserve-my-life) ### [I'm not another heartbreak story](https://blog.iamsecond.com/im-not-another-heartbreak-story) ### [I tried to kill myself. But I've learned my depression doesn't have to be a death sentence.](https://blog.iamsecond.com/i-tried-to-kill-myself-but-ive-learned-my-depression-doesnt-have-to-be-a-death-sentence) ### Search for what you’d like to read about [Learn To Live Second](https://www.iamsecond.com/live-second/) [View The Community](https://www.iamsecond.com/do-more/) ![](https://www.iamsecond.com/wp-content/themes/blackhawk/assets/img/footer-line.svg) - [Film](https://www.iamsecond.com/film/) - [Subscribe](https://www.iamsecond.com/#modal-subscribe) - [International](https://support.iamsecond.com/international) - [Contact & Help](https://support.iamsecond.com/) - [Our Story](https://www.iamsecond.com/our-story/) - [Donate](https://www.iamsecond.com/donate/) Get all the latest updates from I Am Second by signing up for the monthly newsletter! 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