Winning and losing is a universal obsession. It draws millions of fans to stadiums around the world every year, it influences how we make our decisions and it may even be the reason that your family can’t play certain games together. But what if we looked at losing in an entirely different light? What if you took a moment to learn from a loss instead of being ashamed or upset?
Now, I’m not trying to say there’s no such thing as losing – there is. But the sooner you can learn to re-frame your losses and mistakes, the faster you’ll start winning, and more importantly, growing.
After I graduated college, I went to a job interview. I can’t even remember what the job was, but I was so ready to start my career that I was willing to make the hour-long commute in heavy traffic. I had my suit and heels on, my portfolio in hand and I was shown into an office. I really wanted to win this job. Everything was going well, and then the interviewer said, “Let’s say it’s down to you and five other people applying for this job – why should I hire you?”
I gave my extensive list of all of the qualities that made me a good fit for the role, just as I had practiced. Then he said, “Okay, it’s down to you and four other candidates, why should I hire you?” My first thought was, “I just told you,” but of course I couldn’t say that. So I thought of a few other things and hoped they didn’t sound too weird since they were off-the-cuff. He continued to ask the same question until it was down to me and only one other fictitious person.
After five rounds of the same question, I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed, I finally admitted that I couldn’t think of any other reasons. Instead of moving to the next question, he said, “It’s okay; take your time.” We sat there in awkward silence while I wracked my brain for attributes that would set me apart that I hadn’t already listed.
That’s when realization dawned on me. I suddenly didn’t care if I lost out on this job. The drive was terrible, and this man might be difficult to work for. So, as politely and respectfully as I could, I replied, “Well, I guess you should hire the other person, because I don’t have anything else I can tell you that I haven’t already said.” We both laughed and the interview ended shortly thereafter.
I didn’t get the job. Surprise, surprise.
But you know what I did get – besides a funny memory? I learned a valuable lesson. I learned compassion and empathy. I learned that, if I was ever put in a place where I was interviewing someone for a job, I wanted to make them as comfortable as possible, because I will always remember what being in that interview felt like.
I think that’s one of the major reasons God allows us to lose. Loss is where we find growth. Loss is where our character is formed. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that we should delight in our sufferings (when we lose), because everything we feel and experience in loss builds our character, and good character leads to hope. That hope also makes us bold. When we’re not at the top of our game, we look for God more and we find him. When we’ve lost, we can relate to those around us when they feel lost, and we remember scripture and lessons that we can share to help give them a boost.
One of the most encouraging lessons I’ve learned from losing, and what’s really become a life motto for me in some ways, is this: There is purpose in pain. God will never let you lose without redemption. Whatever pain is in your life right now, God will use it for your good and his glory. So if you’ve lost your marriage, your job, a relationship, maybe even your home, instead of sitting in the shame and sadness of it – which is completely valid – ask God what you can learn from it. Look for ways to grow through it, and God will help you come through with a stronger character and hope that will help you turn your loss into victory.