Hi, my name is Rebekah, and I’m a control freak. I want everything to go as planned with no deviations. I rarely trust anyone else with tasks because I can’t ensure the outcome unless I do things myself. I don’t like change that I didn’t purposely instigate.
I am addicted to control. And that control is an illusion.
Because what I actually have control over in life is so little, if much at all. And that’s a GOOD thing. I think back on the things that have happened in my life that I didn’t have control over – that didn’t go my way – and I thank God he allowed his plans to prevail over mine.
I am married to a loving, godly man because I was not in control.
I have an amazing blessing of a daughter because I was not in control.
I have a supportive church family and community because I was not in control.
All those areas of my life I grappled for control over, and when I finally surrendered them to God, he gave me so much more than I could have dreamed or imagined. Just like Scripture says he will (Ephesians 3:20).
But the thing about surrendering control is that it’s not a one-and-done action. So many times, I lay down control of my life at the foot of the cross…only to find myself sneaking back to scoop it up again later. It’s a daily decision to surrender. And even more so as life gets increasingly complicated.
For instance, I find myself in another season of life where I’m struggling to surrender control. My husband, who’s in the Army, is deployed in the Middle East the rest of the year. My daughter is turning five this summer and starting kindergarten in the fall and I’m navigating that without my husband. The girls I have mentored at my church for the last seven years just graduated high school and are heading off to college, things at my job are shifting, and I feel completely and utterly out of control.
My first instinct? Start panicking because I’m not in control. My second instinct? Try to grab control wherever I can. Not even in the top five? Trusting God and surrendering that control to him.
And it’s funny, because I have so much evidence of God’s goodness in my life. His trustworthiness. His sovereignty. And I still struggle to release control to him.
I used to read the Old Testament and think the Israelites were so dumb to doubt God after all they’d seen him do. He brought down 10 plagues on the Egyptians to deliver the Israelites from slavery (Exodus 7:14-11:30)! He parted the Red Sea for them to cross on dry land (Exodus 14)! He rained down manna from the sky every morning for them to eat (Exodus 16)! And yet, when times got tough again, the Israelites complained and wished they could go back to slavery in Egypt (Numbers 14). When Moses went up Mt. Sinai to meet with God and they felt their future was out of their control, they built a golden calf to worship instead (Exodus 32). Doesn’t that sound insane?
And yet, here I am, trying to take control of my life again – even after seeing God do miracles in my own life. It’s times like these that I need to remind myself of who God is. He has a plan and a purpose, and he will accomplish it, regardless of what I can control or can’t control (Psalm 115:3, Job 42:2, Proverbs 19:21).
But also, God doesn’t just do things for the sake of doing them. That’s why I need to remember God’s character. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
God does things for our good. That’s why it’s better for him to be in control. That’s why I have to daily surrender control to him. My life is in better hands with him than it could ever be with me, and he’s proven that time and again.
God is starting to heal the control freak in me. So, if you’re a control freak too, take heart. You can surrender your plans, your relationships, your life to God. You can trust him with it. Remember what he has done for you and continues to do for you. He is helping me daily to open my hands and release control into the hands that formed the world.