I’ve had a long week. There are a lot of things I could be doing right now that I actually feel like doing. However, here I sit with my headphones on, feet propped up, trying to match my typing fingers with the stirrings in my exhausted heart.
Why force it? Well, there are a few reasons; one being that it’s my job to write, another being that I like to consider myself a writer. I’m a writer. I write, even if I don’t feel like it sometimes.
If I didn’t repeatedly tell myself that I was a writer, and if I didn’t truly believe that I’m a writer, there would be a lot of blank word documents on my computer. Because what I believe to be true doesn’t always match up with how I’m feeling at the moment. Can you relate?
What I believe to be true doesn’t always match up with how I’m feeling at the moment.
That means that how I’m feeling shouldn’t be the deciding factor of what I do. If I ever want to “make it” as a writer (and I still haven’t determined what “make it” means), I will often have to go against the pull to hit snooze or the temptation to scroll through that stinking social media feed one more time.
Though, this will only work if I’m constantly refocusing on who I am, who I want to be, and what I believe to be true. I’ll be the first to tell you that the person I want to be is certainly not the person that I am on most days.
For example, I want to be slow to speak and quick to listen, and I can instantly think of a few times that did not happen this past month. Oh yeah, I opened my large mouth way before thinking or listening. If that’s not who I want to be, then why did I do it?
Because that’s what I felt like doing in the moment. Plain and simple. It felt right, and it felt good.
Though, when I go back to the drawing board, when everything slows down and I sit with my bible and my journal, it's as if the fog begins to rise and my heart drops a little when I realize that my impulse decisions actually did not line up with truth.
Can I tell you something? It’s healthy to recognize your mistakes from the day. We live in a world that ferociously shouts, “Do what you feel like doing!” and “Live life without regret!” But the truth of the matter is, we will do things that we wish we didn’t do.
If we don’t hit pause, take note of our mistakes, and ask God to help us move past them, we will continue to live off of our foggy feelings-based impulse decisions. And as long we do this, we will find ourselves in a constant state of falling and disappointment.
Always falling and never moving forward. Lost in the fog.
If we don’t hit pause, take note of our mistakes, and ask God to help us move past them, we will continue to live off of our foggy feelings-based impulse decisions.
I’m not suggesting that we dwell and feast on the things we did wrong every single day. Though, I do think it's important that we take a moment, or two, every single day to remind ourselves who we want to be and what we believe to be true, because our feelings will always be fighting for our attention and can often lead us away from both of those things.
If I didn’t clear my mind every day, I would rarely write. Though, because I believe that God uses me to speak through my inadequate words to encourage you (and that’s even hard for me to type), I write even when I don’t feel like it. If I don't push past my feelings constantly, (and I mean constantly, it's a battle, y'all), I will lose my passion and my purpose. It's happened before, and it could happen again. It's a lonely, deceitful place.
What feelings are leading you down dark, twisty paths of despair? What thoughts are keeping you from getting back up again? Have you lost track of your passions and your excitement for life? Perhaps it’s time to go back to the drawing board. Ask yourself, "Are my actions lining up with who I want to be and what I believe to be true?"
Have you lost track of your passions and your excitement for life?
Refocus. Recalculate. Take note of your thoughts and feelings that are not embedded in truth; ask for forgiveness from those you've hurt, forgive yourself, and keep pursuing a life well lived. Wake up from the fog and cling to what is true. Living a life led by truth will be far more rewarding than living a life led by your feelings.
Caitlin Jordan is the managing editor for I Am Second. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram (@caitlinr_jordan).
(Photo source: Davide Foti via Unsplash.com)
