Anyone who has watched porn knows the cycle that can emerge. It goes something like this:
It’s the same sort of pattern that Joshua talked about in his story. He had certain dreams for his life. He wanted to become an actor. He had no intention of entering the porn industry. But making it as an actor proved more difficult than he thought. That’s when someone approached him about acting in a porn film. Something in him knew this was not the right path for his life. But he ignored that inner voice and did it anyway.
He was tempted by the false dreams that porn offers to actors and viewers alike. Porn promises a sense of connection and intimacy that it can never really fulfill. Joshua chased those feelings. But even after winning awards and gaining widespread success in the industry, his underlying pain and insecurities never went away.
“It didn’t fix the pain that I had,” Joshua said. “It escalated the pain and deepened the depression.”
Joshua eventually left the porn industry but leaving behind his insecurities and shame proved much more difficult. If porn has become a habit in your life, you may experience the same problem. However, with the right resources or counseling, you might be able to break the habit of watching or participating in porn.
Truly overcoming the addictive pattern of porn means dealing with those false promises of intimacy. We fall for those promises because we want intimacy. Not just sex, but real personal connection. Real connection means allowing people to see our real, authentic selves. Love is not two people performing a scene together. It is two people revealing and accepting each other for who they really are.
Shame says that you have not earned the right to be loved. But love is not something you earn. Love is a free gift that you accept. It is not based on whether you have done something great enough to earn it.
Pursuing real intimacy, not some idealized or performative version of it, will help you take a step closer to being free from not just porn but also the shame and guilt that is keeps you from real connection.
What steps did Joshua take? Follow his 10 Steps to Get Freedom from Pornography.
Looking for resources to have a relationship with Jesus or grow in your faith journey? Here's where you can take your first step.