Avoiding Comparison: Embracing the Gift God Gave You

Former United States President Theodore Roosevelt is widely credited with originally saying that “comparison is the thief of joy.”

While many of us may think that comparison is a bigger problem today than ever before — especially with the rise of social media — it’s been around since the beginning of time.

Just look at the Bible. The book of Genesis alone has several examples of people struggling with comparison:

• Cain and Abel: Widely known for committing the world’s first murder, Cain struggled with comparing his offering with Abel’s. He saw that God was pleased with his brother’s offering, but instead of searching his own heart to see where he went wrong, he built up resentment and envy for his brother.
  
  
• Jacob and Esau: These two brothers were rivals from the start, as Jacob was born literally grabbing the heel of Esau. Favoritism played into their rivalry as well, as Isaac (Jacob and Esau’s father) preferred Esau, who was a hunter. Rebekah (their mother) preferred the quieter Jacob. This rivalry continued to the point that Jacob tricked Esau into giving him his birthright.
  
  
• Leah and Rachel: As sisters, Leah and Rachel struggled with a variety of complex comparisons, from fertility (i.e., Leah was able to have children while Rachel was not) to the love of Jacob, who married them both.

While comparison was the spark for these siblings’ tumultuous relationships, it ultimately wasn’t the biggest issue. It was the fact they dwelled on comparison. This obsession with comparison led to envy, which led to bitterness and eventually sabotage.

When comparison turns into envy, that’s when people get into trouble. It’s healthy to acknowledge what others have (and even celebrate their blessings), but it’s unhealthy when we start wishing that their blessings would be taken away because we don’t have them.

I’ve struggled with this myself, starting with my family of origin. I was the oldest of five children in my household and favoritism was a big part of my life. I craved the attention and love that my brothers and sister received from my parents — so much that I built up resentment and negative feelings toward my siblings. This directly impacted our relationships.

And that’s just the start. I’ve compared my house, job, looks, abilities and finances to others as well. I’ve even struggled with spiritual gifts, wishing mine looked a little different or had a bigger impact on the world.

Once I began to accept myself and the spiritual gifts God gave me — and surrender everything to him — that’s when I began to let go of the comparison.

We can’t just flip the switch and have this mindset, of course. But we can practice and get better at how we respond. The more we focus on practicing gratitude in those moments where we’re tempted to compare, the less likely we’ll dwell on those negative feelings.

Comparison is a symptom of pride. We think we “deserve” more (or as much as) others, so we’re unhappy with what we do have. But this isn’t a biblical approach. Here are a few things the Bible has to say about comparing ourselves to others:

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)

“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” (Galatians 6:4)

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17)

The next time you’re in danger of falling into the trap of comparison, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I trying to please God or man?
• What blessings has God given me?
• How can I use my spiritual gifts to help someone today?

Your life, your story and your gifts are all part of God’s masterpiece. So stop trying to paint over someone else’s picture. Lean into the one he’s painting through you.

Embrace your unique gifts and live as God designed you, without comparison or competition.